FERS Disability Retirement: The World Of Yesterday

Yesterday was the day before the medical condition made its introduction; the day prior to having to acknowledge its existence, its impacts or its chronic appearance; the day just when complaining about life’s missteps and unfairness seems now so trivial and far off the mark of justified sequences; and it is the day now in the near past, yet so distant in significance or of memories retained of better times when laughter would echo with sincere, heartfelt exuberance until today came along with the baggage of the world of yesterday. […] Read More …

Medical Retirement for Federal Employees: Turning back the clock

How many of us would want that opportunity, and more importantly, for what reasons? Is it to correct the remorse of thoughtless acts perpetrated in another stage of life, when youth or desperation compelled motives and intentions otherwise relegated as an anomaly but for the justification of necessity by situational relativity? Or, perhaps the mistakes that could not be corrected, relieved by the soothing compromise of time, maturity and untarnished levity lifted by the laxity of loneliness but for the content of past emotional upheavals remembered as periods of tumultuous emotionalism outside of the constraints of rationality and ordinary discourse, now but a plea for allowance to go back and adjust? […] Read More …

Medical Retirement from Federal Employment: The narrative we write

Each of us carries a narrative within; the David Copperfield segment of our otherwise unrevealed lives. It is who we are; the past that enlivens or diminishes; the memories of yesteryear or just a fortnight ago; and it resides continually until that day of atonement or the diminishment though dementia of fated unkindness. What we say; how it is written; how it is related through the handed-down oral traditions of storytelling and bemused tales of a Dickensian happy endings (excepting Little Nell and other debatable few unnamed); and how it is told, in what manner, with what punctuations and unctuous phraseology applied; these matter, especially when others are listening. […] Read More …

Federal Disability Retirement: The Holiday Season

We are entering into that period of respite; of the contradictory clashes of duality in purpose, paradigms and expectations: to “be happy” during a season where one is forced to conform to a standard no one quite remembers was ever met in the history of mankind; of rushing to “get everything done”, while supposedly being reflective, meditative and contemplative upon the season of new birth and magical fantasies; of responding to cheerful salutations contrary to one’s nature, reflex and possible genetic disposition so ingrained that the forced smiles hurt the resistant flesh around one’s mouth; and, all the while, to act “as if.” […] Read More …

Federal Disability Retirement: The mortality reminder

When does mortality become a concern? Certainly, not during the youthful vigor when the future holds bright concurrent with the cellular construct yet expanding and multiplying. Is it with the first encounter that reveals vulnerability? And what is defined as a “healthy” sense of it, as opposed to an obsessive conduit to a dementia of nihilism? Does a “close shave” necessarily haunt everyone, or does it matter as to the sensitivity of a soul that such karma encounters? What “reminds” one of a future terminal, as opposed to becoming an all-consuming journey to avoid the ultimate consequence? […] Read More …

Medical Retirement from Federal Gov. Employment: That sigh of regret

It is released without consciousness of foresight, or random expectation of hope to come. Often, merely an involuntary deviation from a carefully-guarded appearance, that sigh of regret escapes with a haunting echo of mirthless exhaustion. Is there a time when past regrets catch up to present dismay, obfuscated by the loss of any future hope to reinvigorate? What is regret but a deed left undone, a trepidation leading to inaction when flight of carefree abandonment embraced us for a moment, […] Read More …

Federal Disability Retirement: The beleaguered soul

They walk among us. In modern parlance, the metaphor is equipped with “zombies” and the popularity of such cultural fodder. People tend to watch such shows and laugh with nervous chatter; but the truth is, there is some inner fear and trepidation that is reflected by such haunting tales, where comedy is fused with the absurd. The idea itself reverberates with signification of a nervous reality. It is likened to that old movie (the 1956 version, not the 1978 remake), Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which frightened the French Existentialists because of the denial of that one human characteristic that made life worth living […] Read More …

FERS & CSRS Medical Disability Retirement: Judgment

How does it develop? Does youth necessarily, by definition, undermine the existence of it, and if so, why does such a “rule” become obviated by the old fool who rests his arms (and other elements of the anatomy) upon the shoulders of one who could be one’s grandchild, only not by birth? Is life not linear, but circular, and thus do we all revert back to childish ways when old age and decrepit bodies reveal the sanctity of our fragile mortality? When Darwinism prevailed upon the civilization of discontent, did we not recognize that ultimate reductionism to pure materialism would trickle down into a singular desire to discover the fountain of youth? […] Read More …

Federal Disability Retirement: The vibrancy factor

There is much talk these days about energy, vibrancy, health and stamina; what defines it, that which best represents it, and to whom we attribute the importance of superficial concerns. This is an age of appearances, and it has been now for many decades. We still hear talk about the disjunctive opinions embracing the first televised debates between Kennedy and Nixon – how, for those who viewed it, the former “looked good” and the latter appeared “drawn and shady”, with dark shadows under shifty eyes in contrast to the well-tanned presentation of the former. […] Read More …